


Jedi Babysitting for Professionals

by Nihes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anakin Skywalker is a Little Shit, Bromance, Bureaucracy, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Politics, Protective Cody, Slice of Life, Snark, except Palpatine, post-ROTS
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-16 07:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21503773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihes/pseuds/Nihes
Summary: The war is over, Palpatine is dead, and everything should be fine. Except, of course, that Cody's general still manages to need babysitting, Skywalker causes trouble, the Senate is a collection of idiots, and Cody has to deal with the nightmare that is Republican bureaucracy.Oh, and Cody also needs to find a new job.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker (mentioned)
Comments: 88
Kudos: 664





	1. Chapter 1

Cody stared at his datapad, reading through the questionnaire for at least the twentieth time and still having no idea how to answer about ninety percent of it.

Who came up with this stupid thing anyway?

He and his _vod'e_ had been created to be soldiers for the Republic and that was the only thing the Kaminoans had ever trained them for. He had never been taught how to deal with Republican bureaucracy. Oh, as an officer Cody knew how to write battle reports, formulate orders and how to requisition provisions and equipment, but nothing had prepared him for this kind of insanity. If being a Republican citizen was this complicated, then Cody was (almost) tempted to go back to being considered GAR property.

Hell, he didn't even know what his legal name was!

He guessed that 'Cody' could be considered to be his given name. But what was his surname?

CC-2224?

Fett?

Please, don't let it be 'Fett'!

And what was a social security number? Did he have one?

He had no idea. The only number he had memorized was his production number, but somehow he doubted that was the answer those idiotic bureaucrats wanted to hear from him.

And these were simple problems to solve compared to figuring out what the insurance companies and the Office for Refugee Resettlement wanted to know from him. The only question he had been able to answer confidently in that part of this cursed questionnaire was how high his annual income was.

It was exactly zero.

GAR property didn't get paid.

But the war was over, the cursed _aruetii_ Palpatine was dead, and the GAR was about to be disbanded with all GAR troopers automatically being granted Republican citizenship thanks to the _jetiise_ 's stubbornness on the matter. So, Cody needed to apply for social housing to have a bed he could sleep in, he suddenly needed to get a driver license to be allowed to drive a simple speeder (he had commanded a fripping Star Destroyer until literally yesterday!), and he also for some reason needed things like liability insurance (whatever _that_ was).

And he needed to get a new job (even if he didn't _want_ a new job, he wouldn't mind getting paid though).

Which meant he also needed to write a curriculum vitae and an application that would be capable to entice a potential employer into hiring him as.... something.

But what skills did he have that would qualify him for a civilian job? Unlike Helix he was no medic, nor was he a computer specialist like Burst.

There were exactly two things Cody was good at: shooting droids and keeping his Corellian lemming of a _jetii_ alive. Somehow he doubted either would be considered appropriate to call 'qualifications' or 'work experience' in a civilian environment, which according to the decidedly not helpful leaflet on that topic were things he needed.

Cody scratched his head in helpless frustration, his hand instinctively straying to the bacta patch that covered the bald patch on his scalp where the _jetii_ healers had removed that karking mind control chip from his brain (He would forever be grateful to Chancellor Organa for paying attention while reading through the old files in Palpatine's office, and he would decidedly _never_ think about what could have happened if the _aruetii_ of a Sith had managed to activate that chip).

Of course, Cody touching the bacta patch immediately attracted attention from the man sitting opposite him on the floor of the small padded cell.

"You had brain surgery not a day ago, Cody, don't poke at the wound," his general chided him as he glanced up from his own datapad to give Cody a reproachful look. "Master Che was very clear about that and if you don't stop, then I have no compunction about escorting you back to your hospital room myself." Kenobi's tone was the epitome of stern sincerity, as if Cody's _jetii_ had ever in his life listened to a healer himself.

Cody glared at the hypocrite, secretly grateful for the excuse to focus on literally anything that didn't involve thoughts about being turned into a mindless flesh droid or bureaucratic flimsiwork, before meaningfully patting the pocket of the wide Jedi cloak that was currently wrapped around his scantly clad form in lieu of a blanket. "I have your comlink right here, Sir. All I have to do is take it out, call Master Che, and we will see who of us will be dragged to the Halls of Healing when she shows up here. I am pretty sure that all it would take was for her to get one look at the dark circles under your eyes and she would forget all about my little escape from her tender clutches and descend upon _you_ instead. You look like death warmed over!"

And how much Cody wished that was an exaggeration. Unfortunately, it wasn't. His general looked like a ghost: pale with large bags under his eyes and overall it was as if all his strength had been sapped out of him. Cody's chest constricted painfully whenever he saw how much of a shadow of his usual unflappable and mischievous self his _jetii_ had become during the last few weeks, while Cody had been stuck in the Outer Rim to finish the last few battles of the war and unable to take care of the _or'dinii_.

Curse Palpatine and curse that _di'kut_ Skywalker for dragging Cody's general into that little marriage scandal of his and for then having the audacity to blame the older Jedi for all his problems!

General Kenobi only responded with his trademark eyebrow-arching thing that said, ' _Oh, really? You think you have the upper hand? Let me enlighten you as to why you are wrong about that!_ ' It was an expression that never failed to drive Cody mad and that made him want to throw up his hands in despair and simply walk out of the room before the man could even start.

He shot his general a dark look that clearly said, ' _leave it_!" but of course that brought a mischievous glint to Kenobi's tired eyes and his beard began to twitch with the beginnings of a smile (Cody would never admit that he was glad about that).

"Don't", Cody growled.

His general dramatically widened his eyes in the worst display of feigned innocence that Cody had ever seen. "Don't do what, Cody?" the infuriating man dared to ask.

"You know exactly what I mean, just leave it, Sir!" Cody shot back and tried to focus on his flimsiwork again in the hopes that his apparent disinterest would be enough to cut off any snarky remarks his completely logical argument might have sparked in a certain smart-ass _jetii._

Apparently being a Republican citizen meant that he also needed a birth certificate... Where did he get a birth certificate? He didn't even know the exact day he had been decanted!

"You know, Cody," his general drawled, and Cody let his datapad drop into his lap in favor of being able to bury his face in his hands with an exasperated groan, "technically we already _are_ in the Halls of Healing, the healers just don't know our exact location, so I cannot really be 'dragged off' to the Halls of Healing."

His general paused and Cody waited for the killing blow... and waited... and then he waited some more, but the silence stretched, and finally he dared to peek from between his fingers at his general, who had put down his own datapad and was pouring steaming tea from the thermos flask he had brought with him into the cap that also served as a cup. "That's it?" Cody asked in slight disbelief, not daring to hope that he had gotten away so easily.

The now filled cap stopped on its way to Kenobi's mouth and the expression on the general's face became somewhat sheepish. "Um, yes?"

"Really?" Cody was still suspicious.

Kenobi scratched his beard with his free hand. "Well, I am admittedly not at my best at the moment," he admitted, "but if you give me a minute -"

"No thanks, I pass," Cody hurriedly interrupted his general, but the man talked right over him.

"And I can, of course, also point out that this is an isolation cell, so it is obviously shielded from the Force as well as against more mundane forms of communication like a comlink. If you want to put the healers on my trail, then I am afraid you will have to go and fetch them personally - while wearing nothing but a hospital gown. I am pretty sure you won't be coming back from that particular errant." Kenobi smirked.

Cody blinked and then quickly turned around to check that the man's discarded right boot was still securely wedged into the small opening of the door and reassure himself that they wouldn't end up being accidentally locked inside a padded cell that had been designed to imprison Force-sensitive crazies in a killing rage - without anybody knowing where they were and apparently with no way of informing anybody on the outside about their predicament. He wouldn't put it past Kenobi to have that kind of rotten luck.

The boot was still in place. Good.

Then he narrowed his eyes at his general. "I could simply walk the three steps to the door and use the comlink once I am outside," Cody pointed out.

Now it was his general's turn to blink. "Um, I could snatch back my cloak and the comlink with the Force before you get out?"

"You just admitted that the cell is shielded against Force use," Cody deadpanned.

A short silence, and then, "I am really not at my best at the moment," Kenobi murmured.

"No you aren't, Sir," Cody agreed, and Kenobi admitted defeat by emitting a long sigh and taking a sip from the cap.

"But then this whole argument is moot anyway," the general added and Cody had a feeling he knew exactly what was coming next, "because I am perfectly fine and don't need the healers." Kenobi emphasized his words by picking up the datapad from the floor with his free hand and continuing with his work. Whatever that was.

Bingo!

Cody valiantly didn't roll his eyes.

If he had gotten a credit every time he had heard that particular lie during the last three years, then he wouldn't need to apply for social housing, he could buy a penthouse in Coruscant's most expensive 'rich people' district.

"You just lost and argument against me, Sir," Cody felt compelled to point out. "That in itself is an indication that visiting a medic to check out your brain might be a good idea. Plus, you are hiding inside a padded cell in the Temple's mind healer ward. Some people would call that concerning behavior."

Kenobi huffed and stabbed forcefully at the display of his pad. "I am not hiding, Cody, I have retreated to a secluded place where I can drink my tea in peace and get some work done without being constantly interrupted by the Council, the Senate, Anakin or, Force forbid, another nosy reporter who wants to ask me impolite questions about whether my suspension from the Council means that I too will have to stand trial, because Anakin was still my Padawan when he decided to break four different laws about corruption and the political neutrality of the Jedi Order by secretly marrying Senator Amidala. _You_ are the one who has decided to tag along and hide from the healers."

Cody ignored that last sentence and instead focused entirely on the part with the nosy reporter. "What?! What suspension, what trial, what the hell are you talking about?!" he all but yelled at his _jetii_.

Kenobi cringed before quickly waving his datapad in a nonchalant gesture of dismissal that didn't fool Cody in the slightest. "Oh, it's nothing, Cody. Really. But after the whole mess with Palpatine having been outed as a traitor, the Senate is currently a little bit jumpy when it comes to the mere suspicion of corruption. And, well, Anakin and Padmé both being closely associated with Palpatine isn't exactly helpful either. So, there is a Senate investigation taking place to determine whether the Jedi Order has unfairly favored Naboo during the last few years. It's all over the HoloNet, I am honestly surprised that you haven't heard anything about it yet. The investigation will find nothing, of course, and my suspension is only a formality to keep up appearances. If anything, the rest of the Council feels so guilty about the whole affair that I can guilt trip them into giving me pretty much anything I want at the moment. Perhaps I should ask them for something fancy. I always thought I would look great in golden robes. What do you think, Cody, should I wear golden robes?"

Kenobi's meager attempt at joking fell flat with Cody and he didn't bother replying. He just emitted a rather feral growl from between gritted teeth to stop himself from spitting out a long string of very uncivilized curses.

How dare these people!

And General Skywalker - no, it was _Mister_ Skywalker now, he was no longer a General - would do well to never show his face in the Temple again or Cody would beat his pretty face into a pulp! Perhaps he should punch Senator Amidala too. She was after all the other half of this 'secret marriage' scandal that was about to destroy his general's good name.

Though, she was a woman, and Cody considered himself to be a gentleman who didn't punch women. He would have to be content with watching the Senator lose her seat in the Senate then, because if there was any justice in this galaxy, then she would at the very least lose her seat in the Senate over this mess, no matter how much she tried to play the whole marriage off as an innocent romantic gesture with no political ramifications.

The harsh reality was the two lovebirds had broken the law and now they had to deal with the consequences. Cody only wished they could have kept it in their pants long enough for Skywalker to be knighted, so their mess wouldn't also have involved General Kenobi.

Or at least Skywalker could have had the wits to not scream about how his wife was doomed to die without Palpatine's help when he had stormed into the Chancellor's office and found four Council members standing around the chopped up corpse of the Sith (Of course, Amidala hadn't died in childbirth. Nobody died in childbirth on Coruscant).

And now Cody's general looked like somebody had carved a piece out of his soul, and it broke Cody's heart because none of this was his fault but the man undoubtedly thought differently, and to top if off, said general, who, at least in Cody's admittedly somewhat biased opinion, was the greatest and kindest _jetii_ currently alive (even if he could be an infuriating bastard), was paying the price for Skywalker's and Amidala's stupidity.

And there was absolutely nothing Cody could do about it! He couldn't just blow up the kriffing Senate or even just simply shoot a noisy HoloNet reporter. His general was in trouble and Cody was useless. In a short time he wouldn't even be a member of the GAR anymore.

Kark it all!

With a curse Cody picked up his datapad and threw it across the room with all the force he could muster. He watched with grim satisfaction as it hit the opposite wall, though the barely audible thud it emitted upon impact on the heavy padding of the wall and, a second later, the floor was rather disappointing.

Why did the padding in this room have to be so soft? The bunks on board of the Negotiator were harder than this. But at least it meant that the floor made for comfortable seating in the completely unfurnished white room.

"Really, Cody?" his general chided him softly as he followed the datapad's trajectory with his eyes.

Cody's answering growl was unidentifiable and unrepentant.

With a sigh, his general shoved his cup of tea at Cody. "Here, it's supposed to be soothing." Then the man got up from the floor and went to pick up Cody's pad from where it had landed in a corner right next to Kenobi's second discarded boot. "At least your pad is apparently still functioning." Kenobi tapped the screen and it lit up without a hitch.

"A pity. I would have preferred to never ever again have to deal with the stuff on it," Cody replied drily before taking an experimental sip of the general's tea. It was strong, stronger than usual and not a blend Kenobi had ever offered him before. Still, the earthy taste was not unpleasant and the hot liquid felt good running down his throat and settling in his empty stomach, even if Cody couldn't detect any soothing effects yet. His blood was still boiling with barely constrained anger.

"Did the Citizens' Office sent you this stuff?" Kenobi asked with raised eyebrows and disbelief in his voice as he continued to tab the display of the mistreated pad.

"Yeah, among other useless Offices for This and That, why?"

Kenobi snorted. "Because this is absolutely unhelpful crap. Most of it doesn't apply to you because you have never been registered as a citizen anywhere in the galaxy. They should have given you the forms we use to register freed slaves with no prior official identity, not the forms for war refugees. I don't know why-" Kenobi interrupted himself with an angry hiss before answering his own question, "Of course if they had given you the right forms, they would have all but admitted that you and your brothers had basically been slaves of the Republic right until now, and that would have been _embarrassing_ for certain people. Blasted politicians." He went on to mumble words under his breath that were too low for Cody to understand, but Kenobi's tone made it clear that they were rather unflattering.

Cody didn't react at first to the revelation, he was too surprised. But then the meaning of Kenobi's words sank in and bitterness joined the anger thrumming through his veins.

He had to agree. Blasted politicians.

Cody's grip involuntarily tightened around the steaming cup in his hands and he focused on drinking the hot tea and listening to his still standing jetii mutter about stupid politicians to prevent himself from doing something unhelpful like throwing the cup too.

Then a series of loud, angry beeps disrupted the quiet of the room and Cody found himself looking at the door where a small 'Mouse' droid was busy trying to run down General Kenobi's boot that still held the rather heavy-looking door open. The compact little droid stopped, emitted another angry beep and extended a mechanical arm equipped with a pincer. The pincer closed and opened threateningly a few times before it extended even further and gripped Kenobi's boot.

Kenobi had noticed the droid too. "Stop it!" he cried.

Without thinking Cody dropped the (thankfully by now mostly empty) cup and lunged for the door. The few remaining gulps of tea spilled all over the white floor and with Kenobi's cloak being wrapped tightly around Cody's legs and lower body he couldn't get up, but he still managed to end up sprawled on the floor close enough to the door to get a grip on the boot and keep it in place. This disgruntled the little droid further, so it beeped and whistled even louder while it tried to pry the boot from Cody's hands. Thankfully, the cleaning droid wasn't exactly strong, so the boot didn't move and the door stayed open. The droid realized that too and quickly gave up on this avenue of action. It let go of the boot and instead started poking Cody's hands with his surprisingly sharp pincer, all the while whistling furiously. Cody winced but he didn't let go.

From the corner of his eye he could see his cursing general struggle to put on the other boot and Cody couldn't help it, he started to laugh. He laughed so hard that it hurt.

This was definitely the most hilarious thing that had ever happened to him.

Here they were, a High General and Marshall Commander of the GAR, commanding officers of several million troopers, veterans of a brutal galactic war against the Sith, and they were hiding in a padded cell in a psychiatric ward and struggling to fight off a cleaning droid that didn't even reach their knees! And they were fighting over a boot!

Cody couldn't stop laughing as he lay there on the floor, his legs completely entangled in Kenobi's cloak and holding on to the boot as if his life depended on it.

Finally, his general came to his rescue and made shooing motions at the droid. Confronted with a second enemy, the little machine apparently decided that it was outmatched and that retreat was the better part of valor, so it gave up and rolled away at top speed, still whistling indignantly.

By now Cody was gasping for breath and incapable of getting up.

Force, everything hurt, and he was still laughing.

"That's not funny, Cody," his general scolded him as he took his other boot from Cody's limp hands and put it on - after making sure that the door was wide open. "This droid belongs to the mind healers and mind healer droids are nasty little things who think that everybody who isn't a healer themselves is a patient that needs to be locked up for their own safety. This thing will roll straight to the next mind healer it can find and inform them that there are patients on the lose. We need to get out of here or we might just end up being stuck in this padded cell for real until the mind healers have confirmed that we are in fact _not_ patients of theirs."

Cody was still wheezing and unable to speak, but he made the GAR sign for 'understood' and began to untangle himself from his makeshift blanket while his general collected their few belongings. Cody had just managed to get up and put on the cloak so it hid his hospital gown and his bare feet when they heard voices coming in their direction. Without a word the two of them ducked out of the door and darted around the corner in the opposite direction.

"- didn't know the cell was even occupied-"

Cody flinched as the pocket of his cloak, or rather Kenobi's comlink, began to vibrate loudly with several new incoming messages as soon as it was able to connect with the Temple's DataNet again. Kenobi just grimaced and quickly led the way around another corner and into a room that appeared to be some kind of break room. Cody didn't know and he didn't care. What was important was that it was empty and that it had a large kitchen counter behind which they could hide until they could sneak past the enemy sentries.

They had just taken cover when an alarm began to sound in the halls. It was soft, almost soothing, not loud and shrill like on a Star Destroyer, but it was still unmistakably an alarm.

Kenobi groaned softly and hid his face in his hand. Cody just started to shake with suppressed laughter again, which prompted Kenobi to lower his hand and give him an exasperated look.

' _Not funny_ ,' Kenobi signed with quick movements of his fingers. ' _If we get caught, we are never going to live it down._ '

Cody had to agree with him on that. But it was still hilarious. ' _While we have time,_ ' he signed back, ' _care to explain why you are so well acquainted with droids belonging to the mind healers?_ '

Kenobi rolled his eyes but answered, even if he did it grudgingly, ' _When he was twelve, Anakin kidnapped one of these droids and brought it to our apartment to modify it. It escaped from his room, decided that I was a danger to myself, and locked me into my own bedroom. It took the technicians two hours to figure out a way to override the new code and let me out._ '

Cody had to bite on his cheeks and put a hand over his mouth to stop himself from bursting into laughter again. The dirty look that Kenobi shot him told him clearly that he was a dead man if he ever uttered a word about that particular incident. Cody gave his general a mock salute which his general answered with another glare and a series of quick hand signs.

' _Be quiet or I won't help you with your flimsiwork, Commander. Instead I will let you drown in Republican bureaucracy until you are old and gray._ '

Cody's reply was swift. ' _Aye, aye, Sir_.' Another salute. ' _But how do we first get out of here, General? We are far behind enemy lines, we are outnumbered and we have no back-up or even just basic equipment_ _. Our chances to successfully complete this mission are slim._ '

There were still dark circles under Kenobi's eyes, but his face was flushed with excitement, a smile was tugging at his lips, and that spark that promised trouble was back in his eyes. ' _Watch and learn, Commander_.'


	2. Chapter 2

A few steps ahead of Cody, General Kenobi squeezed through the narrow access door as soon as it started to open, the thermos flask still gripped tightly in his hand, and Cody ran after him as fast as he could in the crammed service corridor that was definitely not built to accommodate grown humans. But of course, just as he reached the door that promised safety from their last pursuer, he tripped over the hem of the (utterly impractical!) Jedi cloak and stumbled ungracefully into what appeared to be a storage room.

Thankfully, Kenobi was already waiting for him and the last thread of Cody's borrowed cloak had barely cleared the threshold when his general punched the door's control panel. The durasteel door swished shut behind a still staggering Cody with a sharp pneumatic hiss, which was followed by a surprisingly loud metallic 'thump' as a certain, extremely clingy mouse droid crashed into the closed door in a futile attempt to follow them. From the other side of the door, Cody could here its muffled whistles as it expressed its agitation at their narrow escape, and he had to take deep, slow breaths to prevent himself from having another humor-related breakdown.

He still might have hiccuped once or twice.

Kenobi's fingers flew over the door panel's keypad to lock the door and permanently rid them of their wanna-be mind healer. "Not funny, Cody," he said for at least the tenth time and with no small amount of exasperation.

"Yes, it _is_ funny, Sir," Cody replied between hiccups. "I think that poor thing actually fell in love with you and just wanted to be cuddled."

"I had to fend it off with my thermos flask because it tried to electrocute me!"

Another, even louder 'thump' from behind the door caused Kenobi to jump backwards and fall into a battle stance, the thermos flask clutched tightly in his hands like a lightsaber and eyes narrowed at the door.

It was just too much.

Cody burst into laughter again.

Cody's general was not amused. He threw him a 'Look' before purposefully relaxing his posture, securing the thermos flask at his utility belt and then proceeding to pointedly ignore Cody as well as any droid-related noises. Instead he began to inspect and straighten his disheveled Jedi attire while murmuring things like 'that floor of the Halls should have been empty' and 'mind healers need to be banned from tempering with droids' programming' under his breath.

Cody didn't really listen, he was far too occupied with holding his aching belly and trying not to die of asphyxiation as he gasped for breath between fits of laughter.

When he finally managed to regain his breath and calm down enough to speak coherently again, Kenobi had finished making himself presentable (he had somehow even combed his hair) and was now glowering at a large, dark stain of grease on the sleeve of his outer tunic as if it had somehow personally offended him.

Cody wiped the tears of laughter from his face, left his _jetii_ to his fashion dilemma and finally took the time to properly inspect their surroundings.

Yep, definitely a storage room.

Though, it seemed to be pretty much abandoned. There were boxes of all sizes strewn all over the floor without any apparent order to them, and it didn't look like anybody had disturbed them in ages. There was even dust gathered on top of most of the boxes, indicating that they had just been lying where they had been dropped for quite some time. However, the floor was still spotless, which meant that droids cleaned this room and that in turn meant that another potentially hostile MSE series could roll through the large double doors on the other side of the room any second. Also, their pursuer had fallen quiet on the other side of the access door, but Cody rather doubted that the droid had simply given up. It was time to leave before his _jetii_ had to perform another example of 'frivolous use of the Force' to provide them with a distraction and cover their retreat.

"We should get out of here, Sir," Cody said and nodded at the closed access door. "Our little friend back there might call in our position and send more of its friends after us."

Kenobi huffed and gave up on trying to burn away the stain on his clothes with nothing but the intensity of his glare. "That little monster shouldn't have access to the entirety of the Temple's droid network, but I agree that it's time to retreat to a safer position." He glowered at the access door. "I wouldn't put it past that thing to eventually find a way to override the door lock and try to shock me into submission again."

Cody somehow managed to not burst into a new round of laughter, but, of course, his general noticed the way he was biting his lower lip and how his shoulders were shaking.

"Not funny, Cody!" the man repeated, turned on his heels with a dramatic flourish - the intended effect was somewhat diminished by his lack of a billowing cloak - and headed for the more official looking exit.

Cody allowed himself a small chuckle and hurried to catch up.

The last thing he needed was to be caught alone, without a weapon (not even a thermos flask) in a remote storage room by an overzealous cleaning droid that thought it was a bounty hunter and had somehow figured out how to use its recharger arm as an electroshock prod.

He reached his general just as the double doors swished open and Kenobi stepped out into a plain-looking, empty corridor that screamed technical department. Cody had no idea where exactly in the Temple they were, but he trusted his general to know the fastest way to get them as far away from the scene of their crime as possible. This was his home after all. And sure enough, Kenobi chose the path to their right without a second of hesitation.

Cody easily fell into step at the man's left side, like he always did. And even though Cody currently wasn't wearing any armor to hamper his movements, Kenobi immediately shortened his steps to make it easier for him to keep up, like he always did. They both angled their bodies just a little bit to the side to better cover their remaining unprotected flanks and synced their steps until they moved in perfect harmony.

It was a well-practiced dance between the two of them, and Cody completed their little ritual by covertly checking his _jetii_ for any signs of hidden injuries and confirming with his own eyes that the man's lightsaber was still safely attached to his utility belt (instead of, for example, residing inside the stomach of some massive predatory reptile because the insufferable man had dropped it _again_ ). But to Cody's satisfaction this time everything was where it was supposed be - even if the lightsaber had been replaced by a thermos flask today - and Kenobi's movements were fluid and relaxed. It seemed that they had for once managed to complete a mission without Cody having to drag his _jetii_ to the medics afterwards.

However, Cody's little inspection of his general was apparently not discreet enough, because when his gaze traveled up to the man's face he found the _jetii_ looking at him with his head cocked to the side and amusement dancing in his blue gray eyes. "You know, Cody, we are not exactly leaving a battlefield teeming with battle droids. You can stop fussing." He held up his arm to show off the long stain on the beige sleeve. "The only thing that has sustained potentially lethal injuries is my tunic."

All right, perhaps Cody was being a little bit overprotective, but old habits were hard to break and it was better to be safe than sorry. Besides, they were talking about Obi-Wan Kenobi, not a normal, sane person with some actual sense of self-preservation who knew how to avoid injury and when to seek out medical help.

Cody's thoughts must have been written on his face because Kenobi huffed. "I am not _that_ bad, Cody."

No, his _jetii_ was even worse, but Cody had long ago learned that arguing about this was pointless.

He usually just called Helix with his _jetii_ -grade sedatives and a stretcher whenever his general decided to be difficult. It had proven to be effective.

Unfortunately, Helix was already back on board of the _Negotiator_ with the rest of the battalion, and Kenobi's current state of emotional exhaustion could only partly be cured by a medic anyway.

So Cody just gave a non-committal shrug which, he knew, would irritate Kenobi much more than any verbal attempt at proving his point ever could and changed the subject. "We need a new base of operations, Sir. Do you have a place in mind?"

Kenobi threw Cody a wry look that conveyed clearly that he knew exactly what Cody was trying to do and that he wasn't falling for it, but he didn't press the issue and accepted the change of topic. "I fear we are out of options, Commander, at least if we are looking for a hiding place with shielding. We could go down to the high-security cells in the Temple's underlevels, but these prison cells are not nearly as comfortable as the padded cell we just left, and the atmosphere down there is also somewhat... lacking."

Cody was not sure whether he wanted to know what exactly that meant but his curiosity got the better of him. "Lacking?"

"Some of the former inhabitants of these cells expressed their dissatisfaction with the provided accommodations by writing variations of 'Die Jedi!' on the walls in their own blood," Kenobi explained without batting an eye.

"Sounds cozy," Cody replied drily. "If you don't mind, then I'd like to pass on that one."

"Yes, I figured," Kenobi agreed readily and gave the place where Cody's bare feet were hidden beneath the cloak a critical look. "Besides, you have been walking barefoot on the cold duracrete floor long enough. My apartment is our best option, I think. It might not have integrated Force shielding to prevent Master Yoda from finding and harassing me, but most people rarely bother to go there when they are looking for me, and it has the advantage of containing a couch as well as a fresher. We can get you some socks and proper clothes from my closet before starting on your flimsiwork."

Cody had to admit that that sounded nice. The thick cloak kept him comfortably warm, but his bare feet were beginning to feel rather cold after all that running without shoes, and he was curious to see how his _jetii_ lived when he was off duty. Cody could navigate the man's quarters on the _Negotiator_ blindfolded (including locating all the different blends of tea in the tiny cupboard), and he had quite some practice in finding his way from the Council Chamber to the Halls of Healing, but he had never put a foot into one of the Temple's residential wings.

Hell, he doubted General Kenobi himself had spent more than a couple of nights in his own apartment during the entire war. There had always been work waiting for the General back on the _Negotiator_ or he had collapsed into an empty bunk in the Coruscanti GAR barracks after spending half the night finishing flimsiwork or late night planning sessions with Cody.

The war hadn't exactly shown any consideration for the need of rest of either of them.

And if they went to Kenobi's apartment, then maybe Cody could coax him into going to bed, getting some sleep and work on getting rid of the bags under his eyes.

Any comlinks in the room and possibly a door chime would need to be disabled, of course, but Cody was not above fighting dirty, and his flimsiwork could wait until tomorrow.

Yes, the apartment sounded like a good idea.

"Your apartment is fine with me, Sir."

Perhaps there was just a little too much smug satisfaction in Cody's voice or his _jetii_ simply knew him too well, because Kenobi's eyes narrowed ever so slightly in suspicion. "Exactly what are you up to, Cody?" he asked slowly.

_Kriff!_

Cody did his best to act innocent and confused. "What do you mean, Sir?"

His performance was obviously not convincing enough because he could almost bodily feel Kenobi's entire focus zero in on him. "Oh, don't give me that fake-innocent look, Cody. I recognize your I-am-scheming face. The first time I saw it, I was laid up in the med bay, high on pain meds, and you shamelessly used the opportunity to trick me into signing off on my own squad of babysitters! You are not fooling me."

The intense glare his general fixated him with would have been enough to make a shiny squirm in his boots, but Cody was no shiny, he was currently not wearing any boots, and he had had three years to learn from The Negotiator himself.

And one thing he had learned from his general was that if you couldn't lie convincingly enough to get out of a tight spot, then don't try.

Deflect.

If his _jetii_ gave him such an easy opening, then he would use it (The man really needed to catch up on his sleep).

Cody called up the memories of the little coup the general had just mentioned, and didn't even try to curb the satisfied smirk that broke out on his face. "I only proposed the installation of a program to familiarize the entirety of the 212th with their general, Sir," he drawled. "Effective teamwork requires practice, and assigning troopers to shadow you at every opportunity was the easiest way to achieve that goal."

Cody didn't hold his breath, that would have given him away, but he did his best to ooze smugness with his every movement and overall be as infuriating as possible.

And it worked.

The challenging glint that he had been waiting for appeared in Kenobi's eyes, and a moment later the two of them were engaged in an old argument about 'unethical negotiation methods' (hypocrite!), the necessity of the 'babysitter squad' (the only thing that had prevented Cody from prematurely dying of a panic-induced heart attack), and Cody's overall tendency to be a mother hen (he was simply realistic about Kenobi's tendency to be a self-sacrificing, suicidal idiot).

Their argument carried them along the rest of the corridor towards a set of turbolifts and ended when they entered the cabin with Kenobi grabbing the hood of Cody's borrowed cloak and throwing it over Cody's head in exasperation to 'hide his insufferable, smug grin'.

Cody just sniggered in the safety of his wide hood and allowed himself to bask in his victory. He had no illusions about his general not picking up on his emotions in the Force, but he also knew the limits of Force abilities. His _jetii_ might be able to tell that he felt extremely smug, but he didn't know _why_.

So Cody spent their turbolift ride silently congratulating himself and plotting how to get his general to fall asleep.

It wouldn't solve all of their problems, but it would be a good start.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No 'Mouse' droids in this chapter but I will try to bring them back later.

Two turbolift rides later, Cody had a basic plan for mission 'sleeping beauty' in place, and he was overall in good spirits when they stepped out of their last lift and into a large, majestic hall that he had never seen before but that appeared to be a main thoroughfare. Cody couldn't tell for sure, but his guess was that they were pretty much at the center of the Temple by now. The hall was occupied by dozens of _jetiise_ chattering with each other and sedately wandering in different directions, though Cody also caught sight of half a dozen of giggling younglings who didn't care about _jetii_ dignity; they ran past their elders in a mad dash, two of them almost colliding with one of the hall's many columns in the process, before vanishing through a wide doorway to their right.

Said doorway seemed to be the origin or destination of most of the foot traffic, and as soon as they got closer Cody understood why. The low rumbling noise of countless conversations as well as the enticing scents that teased his nose and made his stomach growl told him that they were passing by a well visited mess hall. Apparently it was dinnertime and Cody was almost tempted to suggest that they make a detour, but his general was in dire need of sleep and Cody remembered all too well what had happened the one time Ghost Company had accepted home-cooked food from some grateful civilians. The med bay had ended up being swamped by _vod'e_ with severe digestion problems and half of the men had felt utterly miserable for the next two days. A lifetime of being fed only protein mush and ration bars meant that their stomachs had been ill prepared to handle conventional food, and Cody didn't feel like being incapacitated by stomach cramps for the rest of the day just because he had decided to eat something his digestive system couldn't handle yet.

Which reminded him, he would have to figure out how this whole cooking thing worked. He had no intention of spending the rest of his life subsisting only on tasteless gruel and ration bars.

Was there something like cooking courses for completely clueless clones with weak stomachs?

Probably not.

Perhaps he could -

Cody's thoughts about cooking and food screeched to an abrupt halt when he felt more than saw his general tense up beside him. It was a barely perceptible change in the way the man moved, but it was enough for every cell in Cody's body to scream _Danger_! and for his battle instincts to kick in. Cody's muscles tensed in preparation for battle and his eyes snapped to the people around them, already searching for a potential threat, while his hand twitched to grab the blaster that always hung at his belt but that just _wasn't there_ because he was wearing a hospital gown and a cloak instead of his armor.

The rational part of his mind meekly protested that they were in the Temple, that they were surrounded by _jetiise,_ not separatists sympathizers and that anybody trying something here of all places would be the greatest fool in the history of the galaxy, but the lizard part of his brain didn't care about logic. It only cared that Cody's _jetii_ had switched to battle mode.

_But they were in the Temple...._

Yes, but Kenobi's behavior clearly showed that he expected an attack.

Cody hesitated for just a fraction of a second, his hand uselessly searching for a blaster that was currently safely tugged away in a closet in the Halls of Healing.

_Kriff logic!_

He let himself fall back a step so he could cover his general's back with the bulk of his own body and valiantly ignored the fact that his empty right hand brushed against nothing but thin air and soft, reinforced synth-wool every time it came near his hip.

His general didn't react at all to Cody's sudden change in position and just kept walking a little bit too stiffly through the hall, doing his best to pretend that he had no care in the world, which put Cody even more on edge. Him covering the general's back like that would usually have elicited at least a sarcastic remark about Cody being paranoid or more likely a lecture on how Kenobi was ' _perfectly able to protect my own back, Cody, and your life is not worth any less than mine!_ '

But today, nothing. Not even an exasperated glance over a too tense shoulder.

The alarm in Cody's head blared even louder. He swallowed a curse and began to frantically scan their surroundings for any signs of an impending attack while fervently hoping that the only thing he would find was another crazy cleaning droid. That was a threat he could deal with even without a blaster if need be.

He checked the shadows in the wall niches for assassins lurking behind statues, scrutinized every column until he was satisfied that they were too thin for an assassin to hide behind, and carefully evaluated the body language of every _jetii_ who got near them to determine whether they were really _jetiise_ and not some bounty hunter wearing a costume. But of course, everything and everybody in the hall passed inspection. There were not even any potentially hostile Mouse droids scurrying across the marble floor (Yes, Cody checked for those too). As far as he could tell, there was nothing wrong and yet the little voice in his head that insisted that they were in danger wouldn't shut up. And while Cody couldn't put his finger on it, even the more logical part of his brain agreed that something felt off.

He continued to watch the people around them with the eyes of a Corellian hawk but the puzzle pieces wouldn't fall into place until he caught a passing pair of Padawans whispering and picked up the words 'Skywalker' and 'investigation'. Then it clicked.

And Cody got mad.

He threw back the hood of his cloak and the dark glare that he shot at the two gossiping teenagers was enough to turn their faces as white as the glaciers on Hoth before they scampered off at a rather undignified speed. When he was satisfied that the two wanna-be society reporters wouldn't cause him any more trouble, Cody shifted his gaze to the other people in the hall who were paying his General more attention than was warranted for being just another _jetii_ Master passing through the hall, and started reevaluating their behavior. Most of the looks that Kenobi attracted were thankfully friendly, sometimes accompanied by a supportive nod that the General answered in kind, but there were still those that were anything but.

One old hag actually had the audacity to look down her crooked nose at Kenobi with so much suspicion and disdain in her pale eyes that Cody's hand twitched for his blaster again. But because his preferred weapon was still out of his reach and shooting somebody in front of a crowd of witnesses might not have been such a good idea anyway, he had to contend himself with upgrading his dark glare to the 'Look of Death' as Boil liked to call it. He mostly used it to make troopers who had done something extraordinarily stupid piss themselves and it was enough to cause even the likes of Ventress to take a step back. The effect on the old hag, who somehow qualified as a _jetii,_ was much more diminished, but it was still there. Her expression turned wary as their eyes locked and she gave him and Kenobi a wide berth when their paths finally crossed. Cody turned his head and continued to glare daggers at her retreating back until she vanished from sight, just for the sake of it. He had to get a point across and unlike normal people she should be able to actually feel the extent of Cody's fury as well as the glare he was aiming at her back. He just hoped that her entire body was itching like all ten Corellian hells right now.

His one-sided glaring contest was interrupted by a sigh and him walking straight into a cloth-clad wall of muscle, also known as his general, who had apparently decided to just stop in his tracks and turn around to lecture Cody.

"Umpf." Cody staggered back a step and found himself on the receiving end of a reproachful version of 'The Arched Eyebrow'.

Again.

It had to be the third or fourth time today. That was definitely a new record.

Not that Cody cared. His own answering stare (including a raised eyebrow) was unrepentant. It was his job to protect his general's back from attack and Cody had just decided that gossiping about said general classified as an attack. He would treat the guilty parties accordingly. They should just be glad that he didn't have a proper weapon on him to simply shoot them (All right, on _stun_ setting. There was no reason to overdo it).

"Really, Cody?" Kenobi asked with a mixture of exasperation and renewed exhaustion that Cody didn't like at all.

He decided to play dumb. "Really what, Sir?"

But Kenobi didn't take the bait, he just sighed for a second time, turned away with a shake of his head and started walking again, leaving his disgruntled and increasingly worried Commander to bring up the rear.

Cody could no longer see the expression on the man's face, but he had been by Kenobi's side during countless crises and therefore recognized the little tells in the man's demeanor. He saw the way his posture was just a little bit too stiff and how he held his chin just a little bit higher than normal. Cody also didn't need to be face to face with Kenobi to know that the playful light from earlier had vanished completely from the man's eyes and had instead been replaced by ice-cold determination and an absolute refusal to show any weakness. It was the same look with which the general had greeted Dooku the one time they had walked into one of the Count's traps and had been captured.

Cody decidedly disliked this change in behavior and he expressed his rapidly dropping mood by graciously distributing dirty looks to anybody who so much as looked a second too long at his general while they passed through the far too large hall. It appeared that their destination was on the opposite side from where they had entered, which gave far too many people the opportunity to gawk. Cody hated every second of it, and judging by Kenobi's stiff posture and the way he carefully hid the stain on his tunic he didn't like it either.

Why did Kenobi's apartment have to be on what appeared to be the other side of the Temple?

It took what felt like an hour, but then they finally, _finally_ reached an archway that led into a broad corridor, and the next set of turbolifts came into view. Cody just fervently hoped that one of these lifts would get them to their destination and as far away from gawkers as possible. An afternoon's worth of work to cheer his general up was evaporating in front of his eyes and Cody was decidedly not happy about that.

Thankfully, He more or less got his wish.

They had to change turbolifts once and walk through a labyrinth of increasingly bland and narrow, but more or less empty corridors until they reached a nondescript, abandoned-looking smaller hall that didn't feel like a residential area at all. But at least Kenobi's posture relaxed the further they got away from the mess hall.

Cody was just about to open his mouth and ask whether they had taken a wrong turn or if they were headed somewhere else, after all, when Kenobi stopped in front of a nondescript door, typed in an access code and palmed it open.

Cody took one look at the room beyond and the first thought that popped up in his mind was that they had indeed gotten the room wrong.

His second thought was ' _Are you kidding me_?'

His third thought was that groaning in despair would likely be considered to be impolite, so he contented himself with a mental sigh as they entered.

His general was living in a broom closet that had been ransacked by a rancor, that was the only way of describing it, because, of course, the man couldn't just once make things easy for his poor Commander, could he?

The one-room apartment was small, it had no window, half of the floor space was taken up by crates, and the shelves and cupboards were completely empty and gathering dust. There were no personal touches to the room whatsoever, and the single couch that had been squeezed into a corner was covered in protective foil.

This place had more in common with the storeroom they had left earlier than with any kind of living quarters Cody had ever seen (except perhaps for the utterly sterile cloning facilities on Kamino, but they had at least been clean and orderly to a fault). Even the troopers' cramped berthing compartments on board of the _Negotiator_ felt more like homes than this, thanks to their carefully decorated lockers and privacy screens.

The only parts of this 'apartment' that looked like they were actually used by a living being were the desk that displayed an assortment of datapads, an orderly stack of flimsi, and the general's lightsaber, and the tiny kitchenette where the indispensable teakettle sat on the counter and a dirty china cup had been placed in the sink. Apart from that, it was completely impersonal (and filled with boxes).

At least Cody now knew why people apparently didn't bother looking for his general in this place. He wouldn't think of starting his search for a person here either. A box full of trash, maybe, but not a living person.

How could anybody live like this?

How could his overly orderly general who wouldn't tolerate even a crease in the bedding of his bunk on the _Negotiator_ live like this? _Why_ was he living like this?

At the back of the room, Kenobi palmed open another door that Cody had overlooked in his state of horror and for a second he had this crazy hope that whatever lay beyond could redeem this nightmare.

But of course, it didn't.

The tiny bedroom that Cody could glimpse into while his general rummaged through the built-in wardrobe contained a bed, or rather a mattress on a steel frame, the built-in wardrobe, and... bedding lying on the carpeted floor?

Did his general sleep on the _floor_ instead of the perfectly passable looking bed (A real bed, not some military bunk)?!

It would certainly explain why the bags under Kenobi's eyes were so deep.

Was the man _trying_ to give Cody gray hairs?!

"Sir, why do you sleep on the floor?" Cody's tone was polite and there was absolutely no hint of accusation or exasperation in his voice.

Kenobi stopped in his rummaging, looked at Cody, then at the bedding on the floor, and at Cody again before he turned back to the wardrobe with a deep sigh and pulled out several pieces of clothing. "I sleep on the floor because I am not able to stand this thrice-cursed mattress, that is why."

That... didn't make the slightest bit of sense. "You... what?"

Kenobi opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of leggings. "With exception to my involuntary stints in the med bay, I have spent the last three years sleeping on hard bunks or the even harder ground on I don't know how many Force-forsaken Outer Rim planets." He waved at the bare mattress. "Compared to that, this stupid, _normal_ bed is so soft it feels like I sink into it and it will swallow me whole. I wouldn't be able to sleep on that thing if I got knocked out cold, and that doesn't even take into account all the things that are constantly swirling around in my mind. Plus, the Temple, just feels empty after three years of being surrounded by the bright lights of the _vod'e_ on the _Negotiator_."

Cody stared at Kenobi in exasperation while the man opened another drawer and began rummaging through it.

Great, so his general had sleeping problems because his bed was too soft, he had too many problems on his mind, and something felt wrong, which Cody translated into 'Force-stuff'. Great, just great. Mission 'sleeping beauty' would be more difficult to accomplish than anticipated but that couldn't stop a determined clone trooper, it only meant that he might have to increase the dosage of meds to get it done. First he had to get his hands on said meds, though.

Cody scrutinized the room a little bit more carefully and spotted another door in the corner which would hopefully give him access to the apartment's refresher unit, where he would certainly find what he needed (He knew where his general liked to keep his stash of contraband). Cody's plotting was cut short however when, from the corner of his eyes, he glimpsed an object flying towards his face. Cody instinctively fell into battle stance and snatched the projectile out of the air before it could hit him. It turned out to be a soft ball of cloth that, on closer inspection, revealed itself to be a pair of dark socks.

His general emitted a sound that could almost pass as a chuckle at the sight of Cody's undoubtedly dumb face. "A credit for your thoughts?" Kenobi asked as he returned to the living room with a bundle of clothes in his arms.

Cody huffed and carefully didn't look in the direction of the fresher door. Instead he gave a wide wave of his hand at the mess of crates that cluttered the tiny room and carefully kept his mind away from his more insidious thoughts. "Your apartment looks like it was thrown into a trash compactor and got reduced to a really untidy shoebox, Sir."

"Oh, it's not that bad, Cody. It's just as big as my quarters on board of the _Negotiator_ , and at its worst it looks like a herd of reeks barreled through it. I simply haven't had the time nor the inclination, to be honest, to unpack all the moving boxes and make myself at home here. The apartment is only meant to serve as temporary housing, anyway."

Well, that was at least something. Though, it didn't explain how his general had ended up in this dark broom closet in the first place.

That thought, of course, prompted Cody's pessimistic mind to come up with a rather unpleasant possibility for explaining this mess. "Please don't tell me that the reason for you living here is that you got evicted from your apartment because of Skywalker's stupid scandal," Cody all but begged.

If that was the case, then Cody would walk out of this poor excuse of an apartment, go straight to the Council Chamber and do something potentially violent to express his opinion on the matter.

Kriff that.

He would definitely do something violent. (He was pretty sure that breaking the noses of every stuffy Council member he could get his hands on would qualify as doing something violent.).

To Cody's immense relief, Kenobi actually rolled his eyes at the mere suggestion of such a thing happening. "Oh please, Cody, don't be ridiculous! I moved in here when Anakin took Ahsoka as his Padawan and the two of them needed the two-bedroom Master/Padawan suite I was still living in. Unfortunately for me, that happened just around the time when the Separatists started to systematically attack smaller Jedi installations all over the galaxy and the Council was forced to recall all Order members to _this_ Temple. The housing situation got rather dire as a consequence, and some people from the Service Corps who arrived last had to actually camp out in unused storage rooms for a few weeks. I was lucky that I got an apartment for myself at all at the time, even if it is admittedly not the most luxurious one."

All right, but that didn't explain why Kenobi was _still_ living in this place.

"That was pretty much at the beginning of the war, Sir," Cody pointed out. "It's been _years_ and the war has been over for several weeks now! Don't tell me the quartermaster hasn't been able to find an empty apartment for you since then!"

The general waved his concern away with a shrug of his shoulders. "I have had more important things to do than bothering the Temple's quartermaster with requests for a new apartment that I wouldn't use except as a storage room for my possessions anyway."

And apparently that was all the general had to say on the topic, leaving Cody to add ' _organize proper living quarters for your or'dinii of a general_ ' to his mental to-do list while the insufferable man had already moved on to the next subject.

Kenobi shoved the bundle of clothes into Cody's arms and pointed to the door in the corner. "The 'fresher is that way. There should also be fresh towels in there if you want to take a shower. Call if you need anything else. I will see what I can whip up for dinner in the meantime, or do you want to brave the cuisine offered in the refectory and use the opportunity to bristle some more and throw dirty looks at anybody who so much as breathes my way?"

That last part was delivered in a tone as dry as the Tatooine desert and it made Cody smirk. It was not the nice kind of smirk. "These gossipmongers should be glad that dirty looks were the only thing I had to throw at them. We can go to the refectory if you think my stomach will survive the food there - and if you don't mind me throwing more solid things at people's heads, like cutlery and plates filled with food."

Kenobi pinched the bridge of his nose in a clear display of exasperation. "Oh for Force's sake, Cody! I am perfectly able to handle a little bit of gossip. You don't have to run around distributing death threats on my behalf!"

Cody nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders. "I just had brain surgery, Sir. My ability to curb my impulses and make logical decisions might be slightly inhibited at the moment."

"And I am beginning to feel impulses to smuggle a few extra spices into your dinner so you will spend the night stuck in the 'fresher!"

Cody sniffed in mock offense. "Now that would be clone abuse, Sir."

Kenobi snorted. "More like a mixture of self-defense and doing the galaxy a favor. Now get properly dressed or you will end up catching a cold." And with that the general left Cody standing there and went to pick up a moving box that, judging by the clattering it emitted when Kenobi moved it, contained tableware and cooking utensils."

With mission 'Avoid going to the mess hall' accomplished, Cody obliged his general and headed for the 'fresher, the set of clothes clutched to his chest and very much aware that the general's comlink was still in the pocket of the cloak he was wearing.

'Sleeping beauty' was a go!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally have an idea how this story is going to end. Unfortunately, I still don't know how to get there and what should have been a short one- or two-shot is quickly developing into quite a beast without a real plot and a lot of meandering side stories.
> 
> But it is fun to write and if you want to just relax while reading about Cody and Obi-Wan getting into all kind of hilarious shenanigans, because that's just who they are, then you are right here.
> 
> I hope you are all healthy and safe in these trying times and this silly story can help to keep your mood up.

The 'fresher was tiny too, of course, but it was not smaller than the private 'freshers that Cody had seen in the officer quarters of various military vessels. At least it contained a shower that, to his surprise, had not only sonic but also water capabilities (the broom closet was not completely without luxuries!).

Perfect!

As soon as the door closed behind him, Cody dropped his bundle of clothes onto the cabinet, knelt down on the tiled floor and started to work open the service hatch of the sonic unit. The metal plate came off easily and when Cody ran his fingers along its cool metal edge it felt perfectly smooth. There was no hint of rust or grime attached to it, proofing that Cody was not the first one to remove it in recent history. With a grunt of satisfaction Cody stuck his arm into the dark opening and began to explore the inside of the box with his fingers. His hand brushed against grimy metal casings and softly vibrating pipes, and the feeling of something small with too many legs crawling over his skin made him shudder in revulsion, but finally he found what he was looking for. A small plastic bag that rustled softly as soon as he touched it.

Gotcha!

Cody quickly pulled the bag from its hiding place, wiped his grimy hand on his hospital gown and determinedly didn't think about the spiders that had apparently made their home inside the sonic unit (Ugh!). Then he took a closer look at the contents of the bag.

Meds. Most of them stim-shots or painkillers.

Typical!

Helix would go ballistic.

At least their general was not very creative when it came to hiding his contraband. The man was clearly not used to having to think like a smuggler. Cody had met _shinies_ who had been more imaginative when trying to hide their holo-porn, stim-shots or the occasional bottle of moonshine from their sergeant.

With his inspection of the bag completed, Cody paused to listen for any noises from outside the fresher. Something that sounded like pots and pans clattered on the other side of the door, indicating that Kenobi was hard at work unpacking his kitchen utensils and getting dinner started. The mere thought of food was enough to make Cody's empty stomach growl in anticipation. He gave himself a moment to fantasize about what kind of culinary delights he might be treated to, then forced himself to be more realistic and come to terms with the fact that it would be some kind of easily digestible mush not unlike the bland gruel he was used to (He doubted that his general had much experience with cooking), and then told his whiny organ to shut it before banishing all thoughts about food from his mind, getting up from the floor and turning on the shower.

The spray of water that erupted from the shower head hit the screen and the tiled walls with a promisingly loud sound that could almost fool Cody into thinking that he was back on Kamino and listening to the never ending rain hitting the domed roofs of the cloning facilities.

That should be enough.

Satisfied that the conversation he was about to have would remain undetected, Cody made himself comfortable on the toilet with the bag of meds in his lap and pulled out the general's comlink.

Time to give the 212th's senior medic a call.

With the _Negotiator_ in orbit around Coruscant and the general's comlink set to the GAR emergency frequency, it took less than five seconds for a tiny blue hologram of Helix in the _Negotiator's_ medbay to appear in Cody's hand.

_"Helix here, General, what is - Commander! What has he done this time? Do you need emergency evacuation or -"_ Helix's voice echoed loudly in the small tiled room and Cody quickly turned down the volume of the comlink while making hand signs for Helix to be quiet.

Kriff, he had miscalculated exactly how much noise an alarmed medic who was used to having to shout over the sound of an ongoing battle could make. But considering that the general was not yet banging his fist against the 'fresher door demanding to know what Cody was doing in there, the pattering sound of the water must be sufficient to drown out any suspicious noises.

Cody's fumbling, of course, gave Helix the time to take in Cody's rather unconventional state of dress, hear the shower running in the background and figure out that this was indeed _not_ an emergency call. At least the medic had the good sense to pitch his voice lower as he started to grouse. _"With all due respect, Commander, the emergency frequency is not to be used without good reason, especially when I am already pissed because I am wasting my time trying to complete a stupid legal questionnaire! I want to place an official complaint and -"_

Cody cut Helix off with an impatient hand gesture, ignored what the medic had said so far (though he suffered with his _vod_ ), and launched straight into explaining the current situation.

He had no idea how long it would take for Kenobi to prepare dinner, but surely cooking gruel wouldn't take longer than fifteen minutes? It couldn't be that complicated to throw some ingredients into a pot and turn on the heating. Unfortunately, that meant that Cody had only so much time until his general would get suspicious about what exactly he was doing in the 'fresher.

Cody finished his tale quickly but then had to wait and listen to an enraged medic rant about people who decided to self-medicate instead of _'just go to the fripping medbay!'_ before adding a few threats about what he would do to their general as soon as he got his hands on the man.

Cody agreed full-heartedly with Helix but he still needed to get a job done, so he interrupted his younger _vod_ as soon as the man had to pause to take a breath. Helix stopped his rant only reluctantly, but listened as Cody rattled off the list of meds he had at his disposal. Hearing said list, of course, prompted another rant from the medic about the irresponsibility of taking stim-shots without medical oversight until Cody put his foot down.

"Lieutenant! I agree with you, but I don't have the time right now, so shut up and tell me what and how much of it I have to slip into his drink!" It was hard to convey sternness when having to keep his voice low, but Cody managed. Unfortunately, he was talking to a medic and medics were all insubordinate bastards. Though, Cody had to admit that he was reluctantly impressed with the sheer amount of hostility Helix was able to project through his glare while being nothing but a tiny blue hologram (But then, Helix also having to deal with a certain questionnaire might explain this new ability).

Helix finally gave Cody the information he needed, added the stern instruction to flush the rest of the meds and especially the stims down the toilet _'before the or'dinii manages to give himself a stroke'_ , and then just cut the connection without another word.

Medics!

"Dismissed, Lieutenant," Cody told the empty air in a tone so flat even his general would be impressed before flipping the comlink closed, turning it off and hiding it inside the cabinet beneath a stack of towels. It was not the most ingenious hiding place, but it was good enough for now. If Kenobi asked for the device, Cody could feign innocence and claim that he had lost it during their escape from the mind healers. The important thing was that no urgent calls could disrupt the relaxing, sleep inducing atmosphere that Cody was determined to provide for the evening, and it wasn't like they had to be ready to respond to any emergency calls from the battlefront.

Then it was time to put his new intelligence to good use.

Cody put aside two pills of the heavy duty painkillers and then watched with quite some satisfaction as the content of the stim-shot capsules vanished down the drain in a whirlpool of water. He was just about to throw the rest of the meds right after the stim-shots when he hesitated. His general should have no reason to check on his stash of meds in the near future, but if he did for some reason and everything was gone... No, better avoid making the man suspicious, and maybe it would be necessary to drug him a second time.

Cody hated doing it, but the rest of the meds wandered back into the bag before he put the cursed thing back where he had found it. He gave it one last hard glare to tell it that they were not done with each other and that he would come back for it, and then closed the access hatch of the sonic unit.

With that done, Cody turned his attention to the next mission objective.

Crushing the pills into a fine powder with nothing but bathroom utensils at his disposal was a challenge, but nobody could claim that Cody lacked creativity when it came to problem solving. Some rummaging through the tiny, crammed bathroom cabinet later, and Cody had a small pile of white powder wrapped in a tissue sitting on his pile of borrowed clothes.

The sight filled him with much more satisfaction than was probably warranted.

However, his gloating was rudely interrupted by a sudden clanging sound from outside the 'fresher that made him jump and sent his heart racing. His heartbeat only started to slow down again when the ominous noise was followed by a muffled string of curses that sounded suspiciously like some heavy pot or pan had fallen on his general's foot. Cody released a pent-up breath in relief, then he snorted.

His general wouldn't manage to kill himself while trying to cook dinner, would he? By the sound of it, he might at least manage to lose a toe (So much for superior _jetii_ reflexes). But if Kenobi was still busy sorting through his kitchen utensils (He just should have unpacked his moving boxes sometime during the last three years!), then....

...Cody longingly eyed the jet of hot water and the wafts of steam that coiled tantalizingly behind the shower screen.

That was a real shower... with real water... hot water... that was not rationed... When was the last time he had had a real shower and more than three minutes to actual enjoy it? He honestly couldn't remember. No, that was wrong, he could remember. The answer was 'Never!', and it was time to change that.

Cody stripped down in record time before hopping under the spray of blissfully hot water. He closed his eyes and groaned in pleasure as the heavy drops pelted gently against his skin, washing away all the sweat and dirt he had gathered during their flight through the Temple's service corridors, and massaging the tension out of his tired muscles.

This was heaven and he could really get used to it.

For a while, Cody just stood there with his head tilted back and enjoyed the feeling of warm water running down his face and body until he felt completely relaxed. When he finally opened his eyes again, he noticed the impressive collection of shower gels, shampoos and other beauty products that had been crammed into the small shower rack and he couldn't help it, he started to laugh.

Oh, his general would never change, would he? He could live in a storage room and the galaxy could go down in flames, but Force forbid that Obi-Wan Kenobi had to face the apocalypse looking anything but his best.

***

Apparently cooking was more complicated than Cody had anticipated (or maybe his general needed more than one attempt to produce something edible), because despite the fact that it took him ages to get cleaned up Kenobi never banged his fist against the 'fresher door to tell him that dinner was ready and that he should hurry up. And yes, maybe Cody had lost some time because he had given into his curiosity and had experimented a little bit with his general's many beauty products. So what? He was sick of the cheap GAR-issued soap that only enhanced the lingering odor of blaster oil that, after more than three years of war, clung to all of them like Felucian leeches.

The result of his experiments, of course, was that, when Cody was finally ready to leave the 'fresher, he smelled like a slightly mismatched bouquet of very fragrant, exotic flowers, and after taking a look into the mirror he had to admit that he needed a little bit more practice when using hair gel. But considering that it had been his first attempt at proper grooming he was pretty satisfied with the outcome. Combined with the civilian-style pants and tunics that he now wore, he could walk down a street and almost pass as just another normal citizen - at least as long as people ignored his borrowed _jetii_ cloak and nobody looked too closely at his feet and realized that he wasn't wearing any shoes, only too small socks. But there was no way his completely normal-sized feet would ever fit into a pair of Kenobi's tiny _jetii_ boots. For now, socks would have to do and it wasn't like he was planning on leaving the apartment any time soon, anyway.

After checking his appearance in the mirror one last time and making sure that the small package of pulverized pain meds was safely tugged away in the pocket of his borrowed cloak, it was time to leave the 'fresher and brave whatever culinary experiment his general was concocting in the kitchenette. No matter what it was, it could hardly be worse than the rations they were used to. However, to Cody's surprise when the 'fresher door opened he was greeted by a smell so delicious that his mouth immediately started to water. Maybe he had underestimated his general's culinary skills.

Kenobi heard the pneumatic hiss of the 'fresher door and looked up from the sizzling frying pan that he was tossing on the kitchenette's hotplate. "Ah, Cody. I was beginning to wonder whether you had accidentally drowned yourself in the shower."

Cody was the epitome of innocence when he replied, "I am sorry, Sir, but I simply _had_ to take the time to properly admire your vast collection beauty products. It _outshines_ the one you keep on board of the _Negotiator_."

Kenobi's lips twitched. "Ah, yes, I see. I hope it has lived up to your expectations. I am still trying to get my hands on a collector's bottle of Landien's Zeltron pheromone aftershave to get a complete set. It should complement the hair gel with Falleen pheromones that Quinlan gave me a while ago nicely. I haven't had much use for it during the war but it will undoubtedly come in handy on more diplomatic missions in the future. By the way, you didn't use the hair gel in the blue jar, did you?"

Cody's brain took a second or two to compute what his general had just said, but when it finally clicked his sarcasm evaporated faster than a drop of water on Mustafar and was instead replaced by sheer horror. "Please tell me that was a joke," he wheezed in desperation while frantically searching Kenobi's open face for any indication that the man wasn't serious.

This had to be a joke.

Not even Quinlan Vos would be so insane as to play around with Falleen pheromones.

But then, before Cody had met his own general he would never have thought that anybody could be so insane as to flirt with bounty hunters hired to kill him or a Sith assassin while said assassin was trying to chop off his head.

He had been proven wrong... On multiple occasions.

Oh, please, please let this be a joke.

Unfortunately, Kenobi's expression was absolutely sincere, and Cody was already shifting his weight to turn on his heels, rush back into the 'fresher and get rid of the fripping chemical weapon in his hair when he caught the slight twitch of the man's beard where it hid the corners of his mouth.

Cody almost sagged in relief, then he got irritated. "Oh, you are insufferable!" he hissed.

Kenobi gave up on his charade and started to chuckle openly while he went back to stirring the mysterious contents of his pan. "Consider it revenge for all the times you laughed at me today. I am surprised you actually believed that, though."

"Who knows with you?! You flirt with everything that breathes!"

Kenobi sniffed in mock offense. "Oh, please, I have standards, Cody!"

"You flirt with everything that breathes _and_ tries to kill you," Cody amended. "Which is not exactly reassuring for the people who have to keep you alive, and it certainly calls your taste as well as your common sense into question."

"I beg to differ. I would never flirt with the likes of Dooku or Grievous! I only taunt them because it throws them off their game. Also, I feel compelled to point out that your insinuation that I would need to use forbidden substances for my flirting to achieve the desired effect on people, even Sith, is highly insulting."

Cody threw up his hands in despair. "What have I ever done to deserve being stuck with you?!"

"Your test results on Kamino were too high and then you continued to be too good at your job."

"Remind me to fail the next test anybody puts in front of me!"

"That would likely be your driving test. Something that I would not advise you fail. Trying to walk across entire planets on foot can be rather exhausting."

Cody was saved from further torture by a sharp _ping_ from a strange, bright yellow device that sat on the counter next to the stove and looked vaguely like an egg. Whatever it was, it immediately drew Kenobi's attention away from his long-suffering commander, and Cody watched in bemusement as his general pushed a button on the device before he went on to lift the lid of a pot, stir its steaming contents with some kind of stick, and then nod in satisfaction. "Dinner is ready." His free hand waived at an open moving box that sat on the floor next to the small dinner table. "But if you don't mind, the table still needs to be set. The cutlery and china should be somewhere in there."

Cody sighed, "Of course, Sir," and went to rummage through the large box that had 'kitchenware' scribbled on its side while Kenobi went back to clattering with his pots and pans.

Force help him, Cody would drug his infuriating general into oblivion! But at least the man had gone back to being his old argumentative self. Cody preferred this version of his general to the alternative any day.

He opened the box and immediately found what he was looking for. At least partly. The stack of china was hard to miss. Compared to what he had seen while providing security for state dinners, it was very simple and thick - even an ignorant clone like him could tell that it was a cheap mass product - but when he touched the plates they still felt incredibly light and fragile, precious, and very different from the metal food trays he had used in various mess halls his entire life. Cody was immediately afraid that he might accidentally break something and handled the plates with much more care than was probably necessary. He might even have held his breath until the two pieces of porcelain were safely positioned on the dinner table.

That was the easy part.

As it turned out finding the cutlery was much more difficult, or rather it was impossible. It just wasn't there, no matter how deep he stuck his arm into the box, and he didn't really dare to lift out all of the breakable porcelain. "Sir, the cutlery is not in here. Are you sure you put it into this box?"

The general didn't look up from where he was pouring some kind of red brown sauce from the pot into a bowl. "I didn't pack even half of these boxes, Cody. Most of the basic things, like the tableware, is straight from the quartermaster. If the cutlery is not in there, then it should be inside one of the other two box that are labeled with 'kitchenware'. Probably."

"Probably," Cody echoed in disbelief. "Are you telling me you don't even know what exactly is inside all of these boxes?"

Kenobi just shrugged as he carried the filled bowl to the dinner table. "It isn't like I have actually used anything yet." He took a look at the table and paused in his steps. "You got the wrong dishes, by the way. These are breakfast plates, we need the bigger dinner plates."

Cody blinked. He hadn't even known there were different kinds of dishes, though he had noticed that the plates he had found looked somewhat small. Not that it mattered, they had only that one size. "These are the only plates you have, Sir."

"Huh? Are you sure?" Kenobi asked incredulously.

Cody rolled his eyes as he started to rummage through the second box in search of the elusive cutlery. "Yes, there is only one size of plates in that box. The rest is saucers, cups, bowls and other stuff."

Kenobi stroked his beard in contemplation. "Hmm, I guess considering the chaos back then it is possible that there might have been a mistake when the boxes were packed. It is utterly uncivilized, but I guess we can use the breakfast plates instead of the dinner plates this once." He looked somewhat irritated by the mere idea of having to use the wrong dishes.

Cody honestly didn't care about the size of the plates, but he cared about the fact that the cutlery wasn't in the second box either and he was beginning to have a bad feeling about this. Whoever packed these boxes hadn't forgotten to put cutlery in there, had they? Unfortunately his bad feeling only got worse when the inspection of the third and last 'kitchenware' box yielded the same result. There was no cutlery in sight. He did find some really nice drinking glasses, though. "Three boxes and still no sign of cutlery, Sir," he informed his general, who was busy distributing the contents of the pan between their two plates.

Cody couldn't identify the dish from his position on the floor but it appeared to be a mix of small colorful chunks. Maybe it was some kind of vegetable mix. The delicious smell from earlier intensified and Cody's stomach growled in reply. Blast it, he was hungry. But before they could eat they had to find the cutlery. Though looking at the consistency of the meal, they might get by with only spoons or forks - if they could find them.

Kenobi frowned and stared at the jumble of boxes that cluttered a large part of the carpeted floor. "That's.... not good."

"That's an understatement, Sir," Cody replied drily. "I am _hungry_." Another loud growl from his stomach emphasized his words.

"Well, then let's combine our forces and find our target before dinner turns cold. I didn't order all the ingredients from storage and spend the better part of an hour in the kitchen only to throw the food into the recycler!" Kenobi put the empty pan into the sink and moved to grab the first box in his path.

"You know, Sir, we wouldn't have this problem if you had simply unpacked all your stuff at some point during the last three years," Cody couldn't help but point out.

"Oh, be quiet and keep searching, Commander. I am hungry, too." And with that he plopped down on the carpet to start rummaging through a box labeled 'cleaning utensils'.

Cody just shook his head in exasperation and eyed the boxes around him with a critical eye, searching for the most promising target. 'Sleeping beauty' was in danger of getting seriously derailed.

Why couldn't things go to plan just once?


End file.
